someone threw a dead crab at me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
