She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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