where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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