I got chris browned last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
