i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
