Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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