dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
