went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
