The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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