it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
