Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
