Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
