there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
