Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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