She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
