So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
