hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I AM VODKA MAN
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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