Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
