there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
