ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize