Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
