k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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