I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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