whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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