This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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