quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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