Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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