I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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