If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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