I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
