We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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