Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i have herpe
just one?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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