I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
