I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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