We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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