Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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