Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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