so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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