ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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