Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
