Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
