sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
