I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
