that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
