My nipple is on Facebook.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
then he tried to convert me to islam
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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