I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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