She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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