Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
