Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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