The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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