i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
