i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Randomize
