I just pynch a tree in the face
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
