What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
