Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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