i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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