Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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