I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
