conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
