Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
