we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
