I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
